Fantasy is an important part of sexual life. When fantasy is positive and pleasing it can add something to a person's life. Fantasy can be a substitute for sex which involves physical contact; it can lead to sex; or it can bring extra pleasure to your sex life. Fantasy can be a very private way of enjoying thoughts which we are not able or would not wish to act out in reality.
Most people fantasize when they masturbate, and many do so when they are having sex with a partner. This can create problems for some people because they feel that they are somehow betraying their partner and feel guilty about this. There are also situations when people feel guilty about what their fantasies are. However, the fact that people have fantasies does not mean that they will cat them out. It is important to remember that fantasies are NOT reality -- they are fantasy, and can be a helpful part of your sex life.
You and your partner can play games with your fantasies, if you are not too embarrassed to share them.
- You could each make a list of your fantasies and discover which ones please you both
- You could write a sexy story for yourself and your partner
There are other games you can play to find out new ways of pleasing each other:
- Consider telling each other all the different turn on's or exotic things you can think of
- Thinking of these in terms of safer sex could give you some new and exciting ideas
- You might take turns experimenting with acceptable and safe ideas from each other's lists
- You might think about all the ways you can have an orgasm without coming inside your partner
- If you have telephone extensions, use them to talk to each other about what kind of sex you like, or try writing sexy letters to each other
- Try playing forfeits, strip poker...
Fantasy Role Play
Such personal sharing needs to be done in a caring and sensitive way. Pretending to be a favourite character or role can be fun, liberating and give us erotic fantasies to work with.We can imagine, dress-up, create an atmosphere, role-play, talk dirty and tell our lover what we want.
Fantasy role play is liberating for those who find it difficult to let themselves go, and to express their real needs. Submerged in the identity of a fantasy character, it is easier to voice desires that are difficult to say in day-to-day life. Some role ideas such as:
" American spy and Russian spy
" Call girl and client
" Civilian and cop
" Frenchmaid and millionaire
" Gynaecologist and patient
" Librarian and bookworm
" Photographer and model
" Teacher and student
" Widow and gardener
If you're ready to tell your idea, lure him to the bedroom with the promise of revealing your filthiest fantasy. You'll be surprised how liberating it can be telling him you've imagined having sex doggy fashion with the plumber! Talk about the fantasy in detail, how you've imagined it coming about and all the things you've got up to in your imagination. Then it's his turn to reveal his filthiest fantasy.
Remember, you do have to be prepared for him to say he fancies the next-door neighbour too. This is a very good exercise for couples - it's a sharp, shocking reminder that we're all individual sexual people with individual sexual thoughts, but if it's done tactfully you shouldn't hurt each other. Rather, the idea is to excite each other. And once you're both turned on from all this dirty talking, share a fantasy together, making it up as you go along. Fantasy can't harm and creates a wonderful shared intimacy. Make love as you fantasise together. That was worth waiting for, wasn't it?!
Dressing Up
Imagine yourself arriving home to find your lover seductively dressed for a night of passion. But how they are dressed will depend on individual taste.
Anything goes here: uniforms, fantasy characters, movie or rock stars. Extend the dressing up with a fantasy scenario and really enter into the game. Or use clothing to create a mood: try a short skirt without panties, a see-through shirt with no bra, or go to bed in suspenders and stockings.
To add to the sexual tension, add a new rule such as not being allowed to touch each other at all. Even hand-holding is forbidden. The idea is to create the exciting barriers that are in place when a couple hardly know each other and are desperate for physical contact. Think it sounds simple? Well, to make it just that bit harder you have to stay at home and you wear something wildly provocative.
For her, what about an all-in-one catsuit or black body stocking to prowl around in? Both are sexy and stylish, making the wearer look and feel gorgeously sleek. For something less obvious, try fishnet or sheer stockings, either stay up style or with built in garter. These are a favourite for wearing both at home, and when dressed for a great night out. For an added dash of excitement during a formal or social evening, it's hard to beat stockings without panties. If you both know the state of semi-undress she's in, the night out may be shorter than planned.
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